the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
