you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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