Define "chronic" masturbator.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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