no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
