Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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