i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
