If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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