the day after is always just damage control
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
