Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize