My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
