someone threw a dead crab at me
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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