Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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