Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
