Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
