how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
