non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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