plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
