You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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