Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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