never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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