I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
