And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
