theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
