oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
