white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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