I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize