we're blogging at a bar
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
