either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
