you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
