Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
