I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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