Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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