I should be sponsored by Trojan
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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