What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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