I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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