Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I could fuck to npr.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
