If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
