Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
