honey bunches of taint.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
