Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
