and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
