You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
