drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he high fived his dick after we had sex
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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