I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
