The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He felt like a one man threesome
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Less talking, more tequila
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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