'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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