Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
