Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
