you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
