Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
