definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i now understand why vodka
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
